A Humble Acknowledgment of Life I

my dear sorrow,
i was puzzled by you
couldn’t seem to untangle you
you came by several times
so near that i could see your breath
so close that i fought hard
the temptation to succumb to your poison
but then you left
only to come back again and again whenever you liked
and every time you did
i have always let you in

over and over i fell
as if i never learned a lesson
why is that, i wondered out loud
what kind of human being allowed herself to fall again and again
as if walking constantly in the dark
succumbing to the same temptation repeatedly
wishing every time for a new result
discovering that old bruises were never gone
and yet new bruises are starting to show up uninvitedly,
spreading like cancer cells in this frail body

i was fortunate that my God was there
who told me when I had hit my bottom
i knew then
it was time to go up again
despite of the fear and uncertainty
there is a time when the word “enough” can taste so bitter
that it may jolt every single cell of your body
when it hit your tongue

God is my witness when i say you are sweet, my dear sorrow,
because you offer comfort
a blanket of security, of safety, of seclusion,
but you are also deceptively bitter,
you are patient and loyal in your work,
but you are also dark and gloomy,
you have accompanied me for so long
and now i have found you suffocating

it is time for me to tell you
that i am tired of you
i long to hear the birds singing their songs
i miss those sounds,
they are sweet too, you know,
and free!

i think i am ready to leave you behind,
but i am thankful
because i have learned a lot
from having you around for so long
through the pain, hurt and confusion
i learned many things about
life, people and myself

(see the continuation of this poem in A Humble Acknowledgment of Life – part II)


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