Friday’s Fave Five # 2


Here we go again, time for FFF. Unlike last week, however, this time my heart was not really into doing this but I forced myself anyway because it might be good to reflect on some positive things. It has been another difficult week with most downs and very little ups. At the beginning of this writing, I couldn’t even think of five things, but continued with the writing anyway to hopefully make it to five. Here we go:

1. I spent an evening on Tuesday with my two girlfriends, Laura and Sheila, separately. It would have been nice to meet them both together, all three of us chatting, but because of time restrictions for the two ladies I could only meet one at a time. I had a wonderful time chatting with them. I saw Laura at the Autism Walk the week before, but the last time I saw Sheila was about a month ago and we had plenty to catch up. I had a lovely time. I know I can always count on some meaningful conversations with them, and I will miss them tremendously.

2. I have been avoiding alcohol for over a month now because I was afraid that alcohol would make me more depressed. These past several months have been difficult and I believe avoiding alcohol has helped me a little. I used to at least have a glass or two once a week whenever I spent time with Sheila on our Tuesday-night hang out time. We’d meet up on Tuesday nights to talk and have a drink or two, but because of financial restriction on my part, we had moved our meeting place from a bar/restaurant to a coffee shop and had tea instead. Well, on Tuesday this week, we made a last minute decision to go back to our favorite Tuesday hang out place where they have the $5 dollar martini special every Tuesday night. I had one martini and she had…two! And she’s smaller than me too. I wish I took a picture of her martinis because they didn’t look like a martini at all, more like a dessert: chocolate something martini with whipped cream about 2-3 inches tall in the middle. I felt full just looking at it. I had a Chicago cosmo. I know, it sounds boring compared to hers, but left me still feeling under-control afterward. I shared this here as one of my faves because it was not the drink that I enjoyed the most, but the moment. I am most thankful for having the time to spend with this special lady. There were times in the past when no more words were shared; just silence and tears. It was the companionship, the understanding, and the emotional bond that made those moments unforgettable. I will miss this one too.

3. My blog again. As always, I can escape into my blog and express myself away. Into my words I disappear…. My blog is my refuge.

4. My facebook friends. i say facebook friends because other than the two ladies I mentioned above, the rest of my friends live inside my laptop.  I am thankful for having them. I am thankful for those who stick with me through these difficult times, who show interest that they want to be part of my life, who ask questions. You know who you are and I appreciate you. For those who have deleted me, rejected or ignored me for one reason or another, showed no interest, that’s okay too. I become stronger because of them. The next few months are crucial because I will find out who I can truly consider as true friends. If they still accept me and stick around even after finding out the decision I recently made, then I know I can rely on them for friendship and support. Oprah Winfrey says it best, “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” Let’s see who still wants to stick around when I have nothing left, none whatsoever.  Empty, broke, broken, in pieces, maybe even bitter. For now, though, I am thankful for the ones who are still around. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I don’t think I could survive this long without you all.

5. Shoot, I don’t know what else to put here. Oh, I guess I can say that I have the D-day. D is for departure. Ticket bought, just need to pack, throw/sell/give away some things, clean up stuff, buy some vitamins to bring home for parents, and calm my nerves in the mean time because I’m scared shit! (I mean, who in their right mind would want to start over at a new place, at another country, when nearing 40, all alone?). To say I’m scared is actually an understatement. I’m terrified to the point that sometimes I feel like I can’t move. “Am I crazy?” is the question that I’ve been asking myself over and over. To a certain degree I think I am, I must be.

Life sure is a journey.  I understand it now.  As hard and scary as it is for me to think about the future, I do look forward to a seeing a light of hope however dim the light may look from my point of view at this point.  This is where I rely on my faith to help me gain strength to keep going.

 

P.S.  I’d like to make a clarification here that I will be going back to my country, the place where I was born and raised.  However, I’ve lived in the U.S. for over 20 years and slightly longer than the time I spent in Indonesia, my home country.  In a way, it is like going to a new place, starting over fresh from ground zero, the part that frightens me.  I do have about 90% of my family members there, and many of the facebook friends will hopefully become face-to-face friends.  I just want to clarify it here after reading some comments from some of my readers.  I am coming home, dear friends, which actually doesn’t sound that bad at all, but nonetheless terrifying for me.

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19 thoughts on “Friday’s Fave Five # 2

  1. I’m sort of at a loss for words reading your heartfelt emotion and favorites today. I’m glad you could meet up with your friends and enjoy time together. I pray that you will find peace and a good friend or two in your new location. That is a brave step and I pray it turns out the best for you.

  2. It would indeed be scary going to a new place and country all alone. I hope and pray everything works our for you.

    That’s one thing I like about FFF, too — some weeks are overflowing with good things, but on some weeks when it’s tougher, this has been a great way to find the good among the bad.

    • Barbara, I want to clarify something here, which I added at the bottom of my post too, that I’m not going to a new country. After leaving my home country for over 20 years, I am actually coming home, but starting at the beginning again. Thank you for your kind words. I hope and pray for the same too. I agree with you about FFF, it can be therapeutic.

  3. What a blessing your two friends must be. I’m glad you got to meet with them this week.

    Sounds like you have exciting things ahead, even if they’re a bit scary. I’ll be praying for you!

    • Thank you, Laura. My friends are a blessing. Exciting and scary indeed. I’m humbled to receive anyone’s prayer, including yours. Many blessings to you too.

  4. It’s always nice to meet friends and have a good chat ! You made me laugh with your alcohol ! you know that in Belgium and France wine and beer is not considered as alcohol, most of the people drink it with their meals. Alcohol is Whisky, Wodka, etc. If you say you drink no alcohol that means you can drink 10 bottles of wine but not one glass of whisky, lol !

    • You made me smile with your comment, Gattina. Don’t you just love cultural differences? Gosh, you give me three glasses of wine and I could probably be singing on top of a table. There was just one time I finished a whole bottle of wine in one night and I regretted it later that night while kneeling down in front of the toilet and then again the next day when I opened my eyes. Never again! Thanks, lady. Always love your comment.

  5. I’m so sorry you are having a hard week but I’m so glad you decided to participate anyway and look for good things in your week. What blessings your friends are being there for you. And I can relate to friends being in your laptop.

    How courageous of you to make a new start. Praying that you will be blessed as you take on the new challenges.

    • Oh, Susanne, if there is number 6, and I would actually put your FFF meme there. I will remember to include that next week. I have you to thank for. Have a wonderful weekend.

  6. OliveTree – I am amazed and speechless after reading this piece … I send you healing light and blessings … to lift your spirits as you brave a new venture of magnitude — new place is enough – but new country too!! May it be a freeing uplifting experience for you! Thank you for spending so much time visiting and commenting on my blog. I appreciate it!

    • Becca, I just need to clarify something, which I added to the bottom of my blog post, that I am actually not going to a new country. It’s my home country where I was born and raised, but I have spent over the last 20 years of my my life in the U.S. Hence, the scary part. Even though most of my family is there, I am starting over, picking up pieces. With faith, hope, this blog, friends all over the world, excellent writing pieces on blogs, and kind words like yours, I know I will survive in my new chapter of life. I enjoyed reading your blog, so I’m always happy to visit yours. Have a wonderful weekend.

      • It is good to go back “home” … yet 20 yrs is a long time – and if you are close to the “40-ish” end – that means half of your life has been away. Nonetheless — it is a brave step full of courage — a new chapter of delight, growth and love. Wishing you well ~~ and we are always here (in your laptop)!!! 🙂

  7. What a transition you are coming to, Olive Tree.
    I moved from CO to CA, away from a 20 year marriage (not my choice), away from a settled life, identity, and family, friends at the age of 44. I came to CA to get my BA and MA, a career, and a new support system. It was tough, Many days I didn’t think I could take the next step. Now almost 10 years later I see I did make it through that transition. With the help of God, family/friends and my own resolve.
    You will make it too, Olive Tree. You will find your true friends and find your true inner core. You find that you are stronger than you think (a misquote from Winnie the Pooh).

  8. So sorry you are going through a difficult time. I know it’s hard to dig up those positive things in the midst of a hard week, but I’m glad you did it. It really does help when we can count our blessings. Hang in there!

  9. It’s a sign of strength and positive attitude to find things to be thankful for in the midst of difficulties. You have the strength to do this, and also to face many other challenges.

    may God journey with you as you travel, resettle, renew relationships and adjust to a new future.

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