An Anniversary Reflection


a special day
today is,
six years ago
I made a promise
to stand by him,
but look at me today
can’t even keep
the exact promise
what do you call a person who
can’t keep a promise?
a traitor?
a coward?
a loser?
or just simply a sad person?
wishing I can tell guilt, sad, and lonely
to stay away
but then perhaps,
feeling them
is the only way of celebrating this day for me
a way of remembering what I had done
that my decision is my sole burden to keep

the hardest part
is actually not in feeling those feelings
but to walk around and go through my day
concealing them
in order not to fall apart
because that would be
the last thing I’d want to happen
it has been a wearing day
to keep the tears from falling down
to put a smile on my face
to pretend it’s a regular day
when nothing seems normal

looking back six years ago
none of us would have thought
this is where we are now
I have asked myself the same question
over and over and over again
could we have done something different?
then again,
what has been done is done
we can only move forward from here
where is that forward going to take us
only time can tell

on what is supposed to be a happy day
I’m left with my thoughts
my conscience
my exhausted body
all mine alone to deal with

my decision,
my burden.

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