Numb


as far as these eyes can see
all grays
gray sky, gray horizon,
gray haze hanging around me
they won’t leave
oh, I don’t know
this confusion has no ending
round and round in circle

like the wind
your state of mind changes every day
don’t know where you stand
two sides to every coin
is it also two sides to your heart?
oh, I don’t know anymore
feel like sticking this head into a freezer
to numb the pain
might as well stick a knife into this chest
end the heart beat now
it’s already bleeding to death anyway

I don’t know
I don’t know
I don’t know anymore
when I feel like crying nowadays
there’s no more tears left
or emotion
what’s left is
numb

is numb an emotion?

one day
will I ever know your true heart?
or will I go to my grave
never knowing the difference
between real and fantasy?
oh, I don’t know anymore
as confusion engulfs me
everything moves from gray to dark
from numb to empty

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Someday


 

Someday,
She will feel nothing
Feelings will evaporate, lifted away
No longer a burden on her shoulders

Someday,
She will care for no words
Words will lose its meaning
They no longer have the power to hurt

Someday,
She will shed tears no more
An empty well, dried out from its content
No longer capable of producing

Someday,
The stage will be empty
The audience will leave the room
It is then when she will start living
It is then when peace will come to her

A Ghost and a Distant Past


i just saw
a face from the past
staring at me from behind a photo album
i recognize that face
i sure do
what i don’t recognize
is the one staring at me now
from behind the mirror in front of me
mirror, mirror on the wall
can you please tell me
who is this face staring at me now?
can a year make this much of a difference
really?
i’m seeing a ghost
haunted by the face from behind the photo album

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About a year ago (well, not quite, more like close to 11 months ago), I attended a high school reunion. A wonderful moment, leaving a very special and warm place in my heart forever. Anyway, I just recently saw a bunch of pictures from that reunion uploaded onto Facebook. There’s a piece of my heart that cringed inside when I saw my face in some of those pictures. My heart sank, and it resulted in this poem. I really don’t know what feelings are grounding inside me right now. Is it sad, happy, missing, loss, or grieving, but grieving for what I don’t know. I know I have changed a lot since that reunion time. I’ve felt bitterness, a great deal of loss from losing a high school friend from cancer, broken heart, and a true meaning of living alone, by myself. I’ve truly felt the harshness of life, but I also know that mine is nothing compared to what many are going through so I don’t dare to complain. The good news is that I’ve also discovered my faith and new friendship, but it doesn’t reduce the hardship of life I’m facing on my own. All I know now is that the girl in that photo album from the reunion is no longer the same person now. The face in those photos almost appears…how should I say this, distant? It was from a past that feels like ages ago.

Sad Eyes


oh little child
with a pair of sad eyes
faint smile appeared lightly
a smile too small for that round face
alone in the dark night of lonely street
drifting like a driftwood
in a river of human malice
no pretending here
his parents might have failed him
the world might have forgotten him

but not to this place
he has identity here
no longer blown away
now standing tall and strong
a pair of skinny legs running
as fast as he could
chasing a ball with other legs
throwing his best kick ever
and scoring big!

oh little child,
grow,
bloom,
be not afraid,
explore life,
discover opportunities,
make a difference, my child
give the world
your biggest smile!

 

***I went to an orphanage for young boys yesterday. This poem was inspired by that visit. What a great and humbling experience; planning to go back there again on a regular basis.***

Falling


one by one they fall
one strand at a time
a lump of them in the end
one or a bunch
really, it doesn’t matter
because they will fall
eventually, all of them
in the end, none left
skin exposed
white-ish in color, nude
inviting, alluring, tempting
the sun to kiss it for first time
smooth layer of glossy skin
somewhat oily in parts
and dry in others

it may end up
like an empty desert
with no trees around
just a flat, dry, barren place
or it may be like
an empty park, but
without a single tree
deserted, a sign
of an ending
yet, stubbornly
refusing to go
so the trees may grow again
one at a time
filling up any dry patch
soon it will go back to normal
like how it was,
right?

On Broken and Hopeful


oh wounded heart
cry if you want to cry
empty your eyes out
flooded My garden with your tears
oh lonesome soul
scream ’til your throat hurts
empty your lungs out
throw out your silent burdens

a broken spirit
I know you’re hurting inside
I feel your loneliness
hold on to Me when no one else to lean on
I’m never far from you
come look for My light
be silent, be still
feel Me in your deepest being

 

* The poem above was inspired by JJ Heller’s song, What Love Really Means. I hope you can enjoy the song as much as I do. What a beautiful message!

Between the Lines


Some songs can inspire me at times to write a few lines of poetry. Here is one of those songs by Sara Bareilles.

 

we live in between the lines
going in and out of thoughts
let time decide the future
battling the demons inside

a new language to speak
a new dance step to rehearse
and the paper is bleeding out
our unspoken words

perhaps a new storm is coming
i can smell rain in the air
it is not the rain that i fear
but will a rainbow show itself later

i want to feel life
but i fear that life itself
has left me behind
with silence and unspoken words