An Ending of A Journey


My dear readers and followers of this blog, I have come to a painful conclusion and decided to stop writing for this blog. I will keep the blog open for the public and run the facebook website of this blog as a place to inspire and motivate others. I may share some of my old posts from this blog once in a while on the facebook website. You can find the link to the facebook website by clicking here: Lost and Found, A Continuous Journey

So this journey has ended here. A part of me feels saddened by this decision, but I think it is the right decision. It’s just the right time to do it considering everything that has been happening in my life lately. I am thinking about starting another journey somewhere else at another blog, but that part is still being planned. The new blog, if I finally have it running, will remain completely 100% anonymous, hidden, and no more identity. I need a place where I can pour my heart out without worrying about hurting others’ feelings because of my chosen words.

Pardon me, but I’d like to give some parting words, so I beg you not to yawn while reading the following:
Don’t let life beat you up too much. Don’t fall down too often the way I did. Forgive the past. Forgive the ones who hurt you. Forgive yourself. Be creative, be yourself, believe in yourself, believe that you are worth it and special. Have the courage to face the truth, because the truth will release you from your burden. Believe in God, believe in His work, give in to Him.

As for me, I just hope that I, myself, will always remember everything I have said above.

This is an ending not just for this blog’s journey, but for many other things in my life right now. With an ending of one journey, a closing of one door, there’s always a new journey starting, a new door opening. What is my new journey, I don’t know, but a part of me feels a little bit (just a tiny bit!) excited as well. Is that a sign of hope? Maybe. Am I hopeful for a new opportunity? Or a possibility of a missed opportunity from the past? Perhaps. As much as I believe wholly and strongly in God’s work, I also believe that we humans cannot solely rely on prayers, but that we still have the responsibility to make things happen, to have the courage to take action, to do something, to face our problems, to bring the truth to the surface.

Before I leave, I have one confession to the world, and then I can truly leave this behind without thinking that I miss out on an opportunity to say something. I hold one thing for sure in my heart: a true love for a special person. I have been holding this in for quite some time and it leaves me feeling guilty for also quite some time. Why guilty? It’s complicated. No matter what will happen in my future journeys, that one feeling will remain the same. I dare to call it true love because it is different this time. I don’t think I will ever love another person the same way again, nor have I ever loved someone that way before. I truly believe that God gives each of us just one opportunity in life to meet a person that we can have a true love, the one that can change us from just his mere presence in our life, and I’m very blessed to have the opportunity to feel this love even though it did not blossom the way I would have hoped for. It’s a beautiful feeling, but it’s also so intense that it has a dark side. It’s the one that you can go back to over and over again regardless of how many times you’ve fallen down and gotten hurt because of the same person. It can lead a person to a deep and dark hole on one day, but to a rainbow on another day. It’s maddening. But a person can’t remain like that forever. There will be time when you just have to stop hurting yourself. What I can only do in my capacity is to leave a special place in my heart for that true love, and that space will remain untouchable and uninterrupted forever, ’til it’s my time to leave this world. But I will not do more than that. A major change has to happen before I can step back onto that path again. It has been an exhausted journey, yet one that I am feeling thankful and blessed for the opportunity from God to get to know him. I wish him nothing other than all the best and wonderful things in his life. I realize that we’re all humans and we can only do so much within our capacities in our lives. I don’t ever want to change anyone nor force a person to make a decision that may end up only as a regret in the future. Life, as I learned, seems to always has its own way of rolling. It rolls when it wants, it goes to a direction without us realizing or wanting sometimes. So I’m letting life do its own part here and I will play along, doing my own part.

I wish all of you the best in your own journeys. Never give up on love. Find happiness and peace from inside you (apparently I still have some leftover parting words). Continue to write. Never let the fire of creativity and imagination go out.

Goodbye. Adios. Ciao. Sayonara. Adieu. Selamat tinggal.

Love,
O.T.

My blog status for the day, please click like ;)


I am fully aware that I’ve been so behind in responding to comments and visiting other blogs, especially those who have been visiting mine on a regular basis. Things have been somewhat hectic lately and the internet connection has also been somewhat moody as well. It’s the rainy season here in Indonesia, and when it rains or cloudy, you can bet (and win your bet too I’m sure) that the internet will either be extremely slow or down. Thank you for your support and understanding. Please know that I’ve been keeping you all in mind and that I will visit yours too.

Conveniently Numb


when the world ignores
back you snore
as storms brew by
fuck it, lay a while

knucklehead, pick up your own crumbles
never show the enemies you’re beaten
and when possible
show off thy gorgeous finger, middle one

carry your pen, carry your notepad
but too, carry your pocket knife
all are useful when gone mad
or when handling grief

eyes shut open
mouth wide close
honey, what you see is what you beggin’
it’s life giving you a toast

morning time
sun is up
lovey-dovey time?
nah, suck it up

my rambling thoughts


don’t know where to begin. missing, missing, missing a lot lately. missing people, missing things, missing routines, missing some abilities that i used to have. just missing a lot. feeling lost. there’s a hole in there.

noises outside, noises inside, mixed together, can’t even tell the difference any longer. tired of losing precious tears, not even sure exactly what they are for, really. just for the sake of wanting to cry, and wham!…out they come pouring. each day starts with the same question, wondering what will the day be like? and each day starts with thinking about the same face in my head.

sometimes doubt sneakes itself into my days. on other days, fear. once in a while i could actually feel happiness, content, peace, and gratefulness. i just wish they can come and visit me more often. whey they fail to show up, i pray, i pray, and i pray. it’s my other escape, next to the damn tears. i talk to my friends who live inside my laptop and cellphone with the help of my fingers. i listen to some boring music, and if they’re not boring in the beginning then eventually they fall into that category anyway in the end.

i am facing my biggest enemy, my demon, and i have to come out of this winning. i must. otherwise, the other option is not appealing whatsoever. my demon is called loneliness, and i can’t lose to this demon. it’s a struggle every single day. i must say i have been able to succeed because i’m still here, but it wasn’t without a fight.

and the rambling in my head continues…still waiting for exhaustion to arrive. it will, eventually. i know it will.

An Update on My Case


I know I’ve been away for quite some time. I did my move across the ocean from the U.S. to Indonesia almost a month ago, and I’m still in the adjustment process. I haven’t forgotten my blog and my readers, and I hope that I can get back to writing and posting again soon. The problem I’m facing here in Indonesia are the slow internet process and the heat. The heat is making me very exhausted. It’s draining me out of my energy and creativity. The bad internet connection is also not helping. There were times when I couldn’t even access my blog. I just need a little more time to adjust. Like a magnet, I can feel the pull from my blog. It’s calling my name, so I know I will come back soon. I ask for a little bit more patience from my readers.

Oh, and when oh when will I be adjusted to this heat? I swear I never thought that I have this much liquid in my body to produce so much sweat. Two showers a day feels insufficient. I haven’t even left the shower room sometimes before I already started sweating again after a shower. My room has air conditioning which I use only at night time, but not the rest of the house. I use anything within my reach to fan myself, including a pastic plate during meal time. By the way, how much energy is spent when fanning oneself?

Status


She gets it
God only knows she gets it
The truth is,
She understood it long time ago
It is exactly why,
She has given up on love a while ago
After what she has been through,
She knew better than to expect it now
Love is no longer her expectation,
Surviving what she has left in her world is
What she needs is not love,
But acceptance and support from friends
So what hits her the deepest,
Is the rejection of exactly that

Announcement


Dear readers and followers,

I have officially switched my participation at the WordPress Daily Post from postaday2011 to postaweek2011. I have even changed my badge on the side bar. I put a link here too in case anyone would like to check it out. Click on the picture below for more information.

 

 

 

My decision is due to the lack of time I will have on blogging starting this week. If I have more time to post more than one per week, I will of course do so. This is not the ending of my blogging, but that you will see less of me until things settle down a bit after I arrive at my destination on the other side of the globe. I will try to update you all whenever possible on my journey.

If you have a facebook account, feel free to follow me there: Lost and Found, A Continuous Journey. Please click Like on my facebook website because I need more people to like it. Facebook is not allowing me to do more on the website unless I get at least 25 likes.

Also, feel free to subscribe to this blog (see the side bar) so you can be informed via email next time I post something new. Take care, keep in touch, and peace to you all.