A Silent Birthday Prayer


Dear Lord,
please keep my friend safe
during those many nights
lying there alone in a cold room
with only the beating of machines
as her lullaby
keep her company
hold her hand
let her feel Your presence
so she knows
she is not alone

today is her special day
i’m thankful You allow her to
come this far
may she be able to breathe again
on her own and on
this special day
so she can remember
the gift You gave her
many years ago
the gift of life

i know You will take her,
eventually
i know the day will come
but for one day
for this one special day
let us have her with us
let us rejoice on Your gift to us
a gift of a friend, a sister,
a daughter, a granddaughter, a niece
let us celebrate her life
let us not waste on a gift this precious

i believe in Your work, my Lord
i believe in Your path
i believe in Your plan for us and
for her,
and i trust
that You will give her the best
and that one day
You will set her free
that one day
You will give her peace

i pray You give her the best
seeing her like that today was
beyond painful
but forgive me for saying that
because i know
You have a plan for all of us
and that it is beautiful
we just can’t always see
the beauty in Your plan

thank You for bringing her into my life
thank You for allowing me to see her again
thank You for letting me to talk to her
i know she listened
i know she understood
to see her smiling ever so faintly
that was a miracle, my Lord
that was Your work
and thank You for helping me
to not fall apart in front of her

Happy Birthday, my dear friend, my sister, my role model, my pillar of strength. Your spirit shines even from underneath those machines and tubes.

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A Wounded Soul, A Plea


when night fell
and darkness surrounded me
where is Your angel
when i need one now
enter this open wound
wash it with Your tears
heal it with Your light
Your sign is needed, my Lord

i thought loneliness was my enemy
but i was wrong
hope is
but even so
i keep opening myself
over and over
desperately wanting to feel alive
only to fall down
again and again

i should have known better
nobody else deserves my devotion
other than my Creator
it was You who made me
and in the end
it is to You i will go
and to You now i give
my soul to keep

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

” Lose your soul in God’s love…. I swear there is no other way.” ~Rumi.

The Beginning


Image credit to Apolic @ DeviantArt, titled Follow the Path

Stop!
stop the clocks
stop everything
let me feel this moment
when You talk to me, oh Lord
through Your creations
when i can feel Your love for me
though i don’t deserve You
when You offer me Your hand
and pull me out of the darkness

You are showing me Graciousness
i see it
You are giving me Blessing
i feel it
You are telling me a Way
i listen
i am ready to take the path, my Lord
i don’t feel alone anymore
i am not afraid anymore
because now i have You with me
at the start of this journey

Help me to be safe in this new journey
Help me not to make the same mistake
Help me to stay wise and truthful to myself
Help me not to stray away from You again

A Journey in Faith


Image courtesy of google pictures

i drop my bag
empty my pocket
i bring nothing except a heart
in pieces and a soul so thirsty

i follow Your voice
and seek Your presence
in Your house i surrender
Your wings protect me

You whisper Your words
i capture Thy voice
a sweet tune in my ear
cover my soul with calmness

feed this hungry heart with Your own hands
nourish it well with Your love
let it run free in Your garden under the sun
for it is desperate to come alive again

A Thanksgiving Offering


WE GATHER TOGETHER TO ASK THE LORD’S BLESSING
for our beloved family and friends that are here with us in this life and those who have moved on; 

for those who are sick and recovering;
those who have entered our lives or left;
those who have loved or hurt us; those who are in pain, lonely, alone, isolated;
those who are lost so they can find their way back;
for our good health, strong mind, a shelter, food, water, clothes, fortune, employment, laughter, wisdom, and maturity;
for opportunities to experience freedom, safety, peace, happiness, gratitude, and to receive and give love in however ways we know.
Amen.

 

This post is brought to you personally by this humble author and inspired by Jenny Matlock at Saturday Centus.

Stumbling Upon a Surprise Gift, Part II: “My Room”


There is a place at my church where I now regularly go to find calm and peace. It is a quiet place. The main building of the church stands separately from this place, yet not too isolated, for it is a big church and has a great amount of followers to keep the whole church area constantly busy. This place, my new hiding place, my source of serenity, is small. It has a name, which for the sake of my brain, the name has escaped my memory just now. Who knows, it may come back again, but I don’t feel like chasing it now. Let’s just call it a praying room, or more stylishly, “my room”.

“My room” is also my shelter. It has sheltered me from the many fierceful battles that have been going on in my head lately. I would seek it when I needed to get away from this small living place I now call home. I would definitely seek it when the need for air to breathe forced me to dig my way out of my room, walk down on the street under the hazy sun or mist of rain, and enter the space of calmness. At times like right now, as I am typing my words into this precious laptop of mine, the craziness of energy in the air and the loud shrills of excitement from the young girls who live on the two floors beneath my floor are seeping into my room through any open window or crack of holes between the door and the wall, disturbing my being all the way to the deepest parts of my brain that I did not even know exist until now, forcing this little crack of anger that is really close to burst out at any moment now. I have no clue of what is going on down there, but I really don’t give a damn. At times like this, to say that I need “my room” is an understatement. I would love to just grab a sleeping bag or mattress that I can find, drag it to “my room” and spend the night there. Excuse me for a second, but I need to take a few deep breaths. I don’t often include into my essay what is happening around me as I am doing the writing. Be right back.

*************** INTERMISSION ****************

What I do inside “my room” is probably obvious to everyone. I pray. However, more often than praying, I meditate. I tend to stay in the room for a long time. I mean, a very long time. (Is an hour considered a long time?). Sometimes for over an hour, depending on how fast my legs fall asleep or my back screams out loud for mercy. Once, I fell asleep. Yes, I swear it was only once. I’m so glad that it was a quiet and very short one and that there wasn’t any display of head bobbling that I typically do when I fall asleep sitting up. I’m not ashamed of admitting it because falling asleep is actually very common in meditation.

People tend to just sit on the floor in the room. There are sitting pillows available and a few chairs at the back of the room for those who are physically restrained to sit on the floor. I sit with my legs crossed, back straight up, and each hand on top of each leg like a Sitting Buddha, complete with my fingers making the bowl hand gesture. The hands take that form automatically because I used to do it so often at one point in my life. I have neglected this habit, meditation, because of the moving and adjustment at a new place, and so I am now rediscovering it again. I sometimes enter the room for the specific use of meditation and skip the heavy duty praying for another time. I choose to do so because I want to…listen.

To listen I think is the key element here in praying. We are often so busy talking to God, or to Whomever we believe holding the Higher Power based on our individual faith, that we forget to listen. I believe praying is not only about asking, confessing, and expressing gratitude, but also listening and being silent. And in the act of listening, we are surrendering. Only by surrendering that I think we can hear the message from God. So I figure out a new ritual. The praying room is (often) for listening to and the church for conversing with God. There is also a very small pond garden between my room and the church where a statue of Mother Mary is placed. It is Her garden, made specially for Her, with candles around the statue. The garden is located outdoor. It is another place for people to pray and have a little bit of quietness. This has also become my other refuge, if the weather permits it of course.

I’m sharing this because I AM very thankful to have discovered these places, especially “my room”. It is easy to skip the room and be clueless of its existence due to the absence of any sign or information outside of the room. It has to be by word of mouth only for anyone to know it. I remember when I first saw the room. It was also my first day attending the Sunday mass at the church. At that time I was clueless about the purpose of the room. All I could see was that within the span of perhaps 15 minutes, there were quite enough people going in and out of the room. The first thought that came to my head at that time, “Is that another public washroom? I just came from one and it’s over there (opposite direction). It can’t be that many washrooms for this church? Do people here need to go to the bathroom so often that they need to make a second one?” Then I saw that these people first took off their sandals before entering the room and their whole entering and exiting behaviors were unusually hushed and quiet. So then I quickly crossed the idea of bathroom. But then what? My question was answered a few days later when some friends and I decided to meet at the church parking lot as a meeting place before going somewhere, and one of them told me. She also accompanied me to the room for the first time, and it didn’t take me long to come back on my own, which I believe was…a day later. I have since been hooked, desperately hooked, so hooked that one time I was afraid that I may mistakenly call it “my homey”.

This whole experience made me realize how I miss meditation. Mind you, I am NOT an expert in meditation. Meditation is actually a very difficult task for me. I have not been able to master my concentration, my breathing, and just a control over my mind during meditation. My mind constantly, I mean CONSTANTLY!, wanders. To bring my mind back to the center is a constant and exhausting process. I consider a meditation day a good day when I can most of the time successfully bring my mind to focus back and end it with a focused mind. On a not so good day is when somewhere in the middle or towards the end I give up trying to focus my mind due to the amount of times I have to chase around my thoughts. A REALLY bad day is, well, when I fall asleep of course.

On my very first day of trying to meditate inside “my room”, the scene from Eat, Pray, Love (the movie) came to mind. It was the one with Julia Roberts inside the meditation room in India, trying to meditate. It looked as if she had already been in there for a while due to what seemed to be a long conversation in her head with herself, and when she looked at the clock on the wall at the end of her own busy conversation, she realized that the time had only passed for less than 5 minutes since she first planted her behind on the floor. Time truly feels like it goes very slow when all a person has to do is to SIT. This realization resulted in Ms. Roberts’ exasperated grunting and moaning. I always thought of it as a very funny scene. Everyone one of us who has tried meditation understands that scene well. We know how slow the time goes by. We know how when you stop the physical activity of your body and yet still have to stay awake, then the amount of activity seems to be travelling to the mind area. The mind/brain area suddenly becomes very active, busy, and…unfortunately, chatty.

I am happy to have shared “my room” with you. Everyone needs a place like this, a refuge, a get away. Before I came back to my home country, my refuge used to be a big park with a lake, a small forest of trees, a walking path for me to walk, and a family of ducks. It’s a beautiful place, I remember it well. During my meditation attempt here, my mind often wandered to that place. Once it decided to go there, my attempt to bring my mind back tended to be futile. Oh well. Life goes on.

And this brings me to this question for you, my readers. Do you have a “my room” of your own? Feel free to share one here in the comment section, or write it up for your own blog. I hope you all have one.

Every Sunday


every sunday
i utter a solemn prayer
it is one
of forgiveness
and hope

every sunday
i take a note
of what i have
and express
my gratitude

♥  ♥

every sunday
i look forward
to enter Your house
and to always hear back
“you belong here”

♥  ♥  ♥

every sunday
i say to myself
it is a new week
a new beginning
an inch closer